Yes, and so I failed.

Oh, and U stands for Uniqlo. Yes, the apparel retailer. They opened a global management recruitment, semacam kayak di Unilever tapi versi toko baju :p.

I thought that it was my chance. My only chance. A golden ticket for me to get outta this country, to NOT working on civil engineering, Yes, I thought That U factor was the only golden ticket for me to go to Japan.

Ada 4 tahapan tes recruitment : essay online submission, fundamental test online (boy, this one was quite a hell!), local interview, final interview at Japan (!). Saya sudah sampai tahap local interview, and I thought I nailed it. Maybe not on the last part, where I had to go through a fundamental test (again!). But mostly, I nailed the interview. And so I didn’t know where did it go wrong. I was this close *put your thumb and index finger closer, almost touching each other* to realize my dream: go to Japan.

And whose fault is that?

Mau nyalahin siapa coba, emangnya? Nyalahin Mama yg penuh dengan keyakinan bahwa anak bungsunya ini, setidaknya bisa mencicipi negeri Sakura di wawancara terakhir? (padahal sebelumnya saya yakin sekali, ridha Ibu berarti ridha nya Tuhan, yakinnya Ibu berarti yakinnya Tuhan :p) Nyalahin orang-orang yang kurang ngirim doa? Sampe pada akhirnya saya nyalahin diri sendiri karena punya keyakinan bahwa I nailed those interviews (again!). Padahal saya sampe jungkir balik nyiapin diri buat local interview ini. Setengah mati nyari baju yg tepat (dress code: business suit!) dan setengah mati pula belajar ngejawab pertanyaan yang mungkin bakalan keluar nantinya. I have never tried that hard in any interviews before, yet I still failed.

To be honest, I was quite devastated back then. The little hope that’s in me was dead. Seriously.

Seperti ada yang dirampas dari saya saat itu.

Sebenernya ini tamparan buat diri sendiri. Semacam disadarkan sama Yang Di Atas. Waktu pertama kali mau daftar ini, yang pertama terlintas adalah: kesempatan ke Jepang. Tapi setelah lama-lama saya jadi berpikir, apakah orang tua saya malu kalau saya masuk dan keterima menjadi Store Manager yang berarti saya akan ‘berjualan’ di toko baju? Apakah mereka akan merasa pendidikan Sipil saya jadi tersia-sia? Soalnya saya tahu ketika beberapa saudara saya tahu akan hal ini mereka sedikit ‘bernyanyi’ dan merepet yang agak mirip dengan kalimat, ‘engineer kok mau jualan baju..’. Saya nggak mau kalau ibu saya di-’nyek’ sama saudara2 yang lain gara2 keputusan saya bekerja di sana. Lalu saya tanya berkali-kali pada Ibu saya, dan berkali-kali Beliau menjawab sama: tidak apa-apa, majulah kalau kamu mau.

Mungkin dengan bertanya berkali-kali kepada Ibu saya malah menandakan bahwa sayalah yang tak yakin?

Entahlah.

Malah ketika saya tahu saya gagal, esoknya saya cuma bisa bengong. Tidak, saya malah tidak bisa menangis. Sampai ketika Ibu saya yang menangis untuk saya. Bukan karena kegagalan saya, tapi lebih karena keadaan saya yang seperti tong yang sedang dibuang isinya, dan ketika dibunyikan berbunyi ‘TONG!’ keras sekali. Lalu air mata saya luruh saat itu juga Karena melihat Ibu saya menangis untuk saya.

Yang pasti saya gagal, saya harus ikhlas. Saya harus cari jalan baru, cari harapan baru. Saya yakin kok, saya pasti akan diberi yang lebih baik lagi dari ini.

めいっぱい叫べ　「ここにいるよ」って証のように
僕らはそんな弱くはない　でも強くもないから
だから泣いていいんだ　恥ずかしいことじゃない
明日がある人しかできないことだから　明日への合図だから

Meippai sakebe　”Koko ni iru yo” tte akashi no you ni
Bokura wa sonna yowaku wa nai　Demo tsuyoku mo nai kara
Dakara naite iinda　Hazukashii koto janai
Asu ga aru hito shika dekinai koto dakara　Asu e no aizu dakara

Yell with all your might　”I’m here!” like it’s proof of yourself
We are not that weak　But we’re not that strong either
That’s why it’s okay to cry　There’s nothing to be embarrassed about
Only people who have a tomorrow can do it　Because it’s the signal of going to that tomorrow

Yes, NK, you’re absolutely right. I am not that weak. But I’m not that strong either. That’s why these tears are rolling down from my eyes.
You said it was okay, that I don’t have to be embarrassed of it, because I still have tomorrow.

泣いて　求めて　転んで　また泣いて
君は　そうして　大人になって

Naite　Motomete　Koronde　Mata naite
Kimi wa　Soushite　Otona ni natte

Crying　Searching　Falling down　Crying again
That’s how you become an adult

Does it mean that I am an adult, NK-nii san?

But you reminded me that there will always be someone who watched over me,

大丈夫僕らはずっとここにいるよ

Daijoubu bokura wa zutto koko ni iru yo

It’s alright, we’ll always be here

ne, NK-nii san?

**Lyrics taken from ‘Doko ni Demo Aru Uta’ (A Song You Can Find Anywhere), from album Arashi – Beautiful World, composed by Ninomiya Kazunari, lyrics translation by Yarukizero @ LJ

Pledge of the day?

For you who don’t have a single clue what the hell is meme, you can peek in here.
Btw, I haven’t been tagged by anyone, but this meme looks cute (did I just say cute?) and it has been done by one of my favorite fanfic author (r-tenou @ LJ), so I think that I’d steal this one :p (don’t judge me! I love meme. I’ve told you before, right?)
And please don’t ask me why the title is so scary (Well, basically because r-tenou wrote so :p)

Let’s start, shall we?

Off to meme we go!

1. Make a list of 5 things that are in reach:
My Audio Technica headphone; a bottle of water (cheers to a healthy life!); my beloved Omnia mobile phone; my iPod touch that wrapped by a shocking pink cover plus Oxford English-Japanese pocket dictionary (I put it as one, because it’s stacked together, and it has the same function as dictionary); the last one is my modem which I really want to kick its smart a** right now.

2. What is your favorite holiday?
Hmm, Idul Fitri. Lots of fatty-but-omg-so-delicious food, and you get to be with your family. Although I’m not a Christian, Christmas is one of my fav holiday, too. I love Christmas movies and songs, cos it’s all about hope and happiness. I wish I can experience a white Christmas with snow and all of those cold climate. It will be so much fun!

3. What is one item of clothing you wish you could always wear?
My sleeveless Uniqlo (long) T-shirt. I wear it as an outer clothes. This is my ‘kojo’ clothes.

4. What’s your occupation?
For now? I’m occupation..less? I hope I can be a (paid) traveler, though. Imagine, they get paid to travel! Whoa. It will be like, the greatest job ever.

5. Dark chocolate or white chocolate?
Dark chocolate. Japanese will say it has ‘Otona no aji’ or grown-ups’ taste. White chocolate is so..milky. Yeakh.

6. Who was the last person you hugged?
My friend, at my farewell party.

7. What random song just popped in your head right now?
Kaerimichi no Love Song. A romantic song that make your heart goes kyun~

8. Bath or Shower
Bath (does that mean I’m not an eco person? :-s)

9. Last text message you received?
From my sister. She texted me wide lens’ range-price for my EOS.

10. What websites do you always visit when you go online?
LiveJournal and twitter.

11. What was the last thing you bought?
Potato bread and chiffon cake, my mother asked me to buy them as snacks for breaking her fast.

12. If you could afford to go anywhere, where would you go?
Japan! any city would be fine, as long as it still in Japan (yes, I desperately want to chew a bit taste of Arashi’s hometown). And maybe London and New York, if I had time (in other words, If I weren’t busy getting woo-ed by Arashi hometown)

13. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Living happily in Japan, and already travelled to at least 20 countries in the whole world.

14. Where’s your tattoo/where would you like a tattoo?
I’m not a tattoo person (although sometimes I found that they are just so damn sexy, being painted in a sexy-hot boys), my parents would kill me if I had one.
Besides, I despise needles so much. Me and needles are not a good combination. and..it’s against my religion’s believe.
BUT (yes, make it bold and capital, please), if I had to choose the location, I would choose to tattoo my upper-back-shoulder. You get that, right?

15. What are you doing this weekend?
Trying to download Arashi concert in Dome. (Now, it’s the right time to yell over my stupid modem: DAMN YOU STUPID MODEM! MOVE FASTER DAMMIT! $&%#**^%$@%&$@%@&%#% )

16. Nino or Ohno’s falsetto?
Damn, do I have to choose? How about Ohmiya’s falsetto? *grins
How can you choose between them? seriously, it’s just not fair!

17. What’s the one thing you need the most now?
A job? A school? A Japan? Definitely a Nino!

18. Are you a creeper?
What the hell is creeper?

19. What is your dream job?
A paid traveler. Or a photographer. Or a Nino’s wife. Gyahaha!

20. What’s the last good movie you saw?
Hum, ‘The Incite Mill’ is pretty good.’Becks’ also good (Mukai Osamu, KYA! Although I’m a lil disappointed with the movie. Cmon, people, I want to hear Koyuki’s voice, dammit!)
But nothing beats ‘OOKU’, though. Yeah, I went screaming and squealing and kyaa-ing and giggling and eyed-widening and fangirling over that movie. Played by the one and only: NINOMIYA KAZUNARI who went back and forth…back and forth…back and forth.. *major nosebleeding here

Whee~ that’s a wrap! I’ve answered 20 questions flawless-ly xD

By the way, I’m not biased over Ooku. It’s a good movie, really. Based on the same award-winner manga, the idea is so awesome. I mean, cmon: women rules, a lady shogun, more than hundreds of beautiful men in one place, and Ninomiya Kazunari in a samurai outfit, playing sword fights.
Holy Cow.
Nosebleeding much? *devil laugh

I’ll tag Dini. You have to do your homework, girl!
Until next time! *waves

PS: we are celebrating Nino-month, folks. Be prepare!